Hi guys! It's been a while I guess...sorry for the past negative posts. I think even though I try to get away from it...it seems to try to balance me out.

I just wanted to say that I think this may be my last post ever. haha. Really, I think I may just post during "parts" of my life, so that I can look back and see what I was like at certain points. So, maybe not "ever"...but maybe in a long time.

Anyway, the past year was definitely one that made me reflect. I mean, you can only look so far into the future without first looking at your past right? From now on, I'll know where I want to be, but at the same time I think I'll live in the moment and stop worrying about what might happen. Recently, I've tried to figure out a lot of the questions in my mind that never seem to have answers or are left as is.

I think I've found some answers and I'm definitely ready to ask more questions. Good luck all, in everything you do...

R.J.

Hellooo people out there! Was goin onnn...

Well, I guess I've been away a while. I mean, I've been a away too long. Long enough to know that gullible people are always going to be there, even when they seem to be distant.

Note to readers: This will get DEEP and personal real fast.

Mind you, I'm not the type to start shit or anything, but some people think they're so smart that they hide things. Hiding is fine for a while, then shit just happens (even in my life; I've kept things to myself...but only because I'm trying to make my own life work. I honestly try to help people not because I want something in return or anything, but just because I want things to be cool).

I've noticed that a friend of mine (close...I consider him close, like a brother) has seemed to misunderstand my position on things. Let's get this straight before I continue. People's lives (regardless if you think that your's may be PERFECT...) are a mess. Really. I've only noticed that as I'm done school for now, learning that people won't pull your slack. No number of excuses or white lies will cover your tracks. Soon enough, people start to figure that those lies are a bigger part of a larger one. That's when you think to yourself: How can I keep going on lying?

I'm sorry that you "wanted" to be in the movie. But let's be honest. If you wanted to, you'd do everything in your power to be there, and YOU know it. Your relationship with your significant other is testament to that (and I respect that). So please don't make me into an ignoramous by completely lying to my face about it.

As I type, I'm a mess...really. Almost confused...shaking and shit like I haven't slept good for days. lol. I mean, there's too much here on the table. I could outright say something....heck, I will. (and I'm sorry to say, since you've decided to be upfront, I'll be upfront)

If your friends (even 1) get into a scuffle with your girlfriend or significant other, then that means, you either: (1) Can't control your significant other, (2) Can't control yourself or have the balls to say something to make things cool, (3) or you decide to take sides. That last one is killer. I don't know everything (I've never had a girlfriend, so no use there in claiming that I have), nor do I even attempt to claim I do. I've just seen that shit before, and you know how it turns out. Please don't take sides...that's stupid and immature, especially when it comes to your family and friends. I may try to explain myself in long sentences, and I'm sorry, if you've noticed I'm a little slow, not everyone is perfect like you (please don't snicker. That's a weak and simple excuse to a larger mental problem).

I'm pissed. Not because of some stupid rhyme or attempt at hiding some kind of secret message. But because I had to hear it on some blog. So here you go Niloc. I'm going to give you a call soon. If you decide to call me first (because you have a problem with me) then I really respect that. That will make you a man, rather than hiding behind shit. I do that too...but you know me, I'm not one to throw shit in the fan. I hide things to be more mature about things, or at least try to be mature. Damn. Why do people have to make problems bigger?

I understand now...when you become so interested in others lives, rather than your own. It soon becomes second nature to feel left out of business that doesn't even concern yourself. That's sad. And it sucks...I passed through that when I was in elementary school, and it wasn't fun at all. I could go on for hours about this crap. But I know, this guy Niloc won't listen (you know you won't. So caught up in being right, that it's almost second nature for you to agree and disagree even when the situation doesn't call for it). I don't...but when it comes to saving relationships that are worthwhile, then I'll do everything in my power to help save them.

From this moment onward, I'm re-evaluting what I say. I joke, but know this: nice does not equal ignorant. I can do favours...fuck, I'll even parade about trying to help. But if the other side can't even understand (or even find the time to wait...dude, that's selfishness...no matter which way you place it) that people have their own lives, then that's too bad for them.

Nice is being ignorant to everything for that moment. And from what I understand "nice" has no attachments or paybacks. It's not even an act. I don't know why some people want to be nice? That's fucked up. Just be good to people. And not expect anything at all in return.

And dude, tell you significant other to talk to me then. Calling me (let's say, waking me) up at 10:30 at night to do something (regardless of how big or small it may be) is not cool, and you know that. Why do you think if I call your houses, I don't pry? Prying into someone's sleep is prying into someone's personal life. PERSONAL LIFE.

What pisses me off the most is...I don't even know this person's significant other that well. That's the scary part.

And I thought I knew people...


Rick James

"There's no combination..."

"I wonder who farted...hmmm..."

Okay, I'm here...and procrastinating. I SHOULD be doing my site, but I've decided to take a break because Flash has been acting up. How's my site going you may be wondering? Not bad actually...the tools are here, the extra artwork has been made and scanned. The Flash Tutorials have been reviewed and I'm trying to get everything to work. It's kinda like when you've got a paper to write and you've got all of your research in front of you, your skeleton done, and all you need to do is BS your way through...haha.

Well, why do I feel like typing something? Just to give myself a bit of a break and something to reflect on down the road. So far, these past few months have been going. Really...GOING. haha Still looking for a job...and it really sucks for now that I don't have one. That's what I get for being stubborn. I'm okay with applying, looking, and waiting. Who knows what will come up tomorrow right?

Post-graduate work is being a major pain too...I'm on a waiting list to get in, but I'm not expecting to get in this September. However, don't get me wrong...that is definitely NOT me giving up! Just really trying to get a job right now...and I'm going to reapply till they let me in. haha

So at this point, you should be listening to John Mayer's "Back to You" or Jack Johnson's "Better Together"...damn these guys can play eh?

"I'm coming John. You better be ready for my thing. And by 'thing', I mean my skills."

Well, there's a lot on my plate right now, and I guess most of it is in my head. I've got some input, and I think I've got my plan...I just really have to get the wheels turning. DAMN! This blog seems more like "A Day in the Life of Rick"...haha. Sorry...

And, BTW...guess who I met a week or so back? (*drums)..........

No, not Chewbacca.

DEEN!!! I couldn't believe it...even till now. That was really cool... :D But I'm sorry that the visit wasn't amazing...but hopefully you come back soon - we would definitely show you around town. And, maybe one day I'll be able to visit you and your nice city...haha. Who knows?

Anyways, I'll leave this blog here...cause it sucks right now, and I think I'm making it worse. haha

Rick James

PS. Jay, I WANT your Cosby Show, 4 Disc monster package (aka Cosby Show, Season One). DAMN!! I was tempted by that ONE Gordon Gartrell episode. You're right...and it's a definite must...

Road Trip (A Metaphor For Life At Age 23)

Wow...this has definitely been a great ride thus far. Regardless of the ups and downs this year and the past, I've been fortunate as of now to run into such wonderful peeps (and weird ones like myself...lol). THIS definitely goes out to all my bros and sisters here in Mississauga and all around the world, biological and not who've helped me and kept me wanting more.

Readers, I will definitely get all mushy and deep, because I'm awake, and full of chicken (thanks guys, all-you-can-eat wings...haha). Well, it'll go a little something like this...

I know there's a couple of peeps out there who are really trying to "redefine" themselves (even as I write this, I'm really trying to make sense of what I'm goin through), trying to get out of problems and issues, getting over people who they've liked and disliked. Or trying to gain more responsibilities, love more people or hate more people with more passion (haha). But really, it's cool to have those times...they're tests to make you try to improve yourselves and become that positive person that is so far from where you are that that person is not even conceivable at the time(well, maybe not yet, maybe a little later in life). As long as you've got some kind of goal (even planning to go hang with that friend you haven't seen in a long time, or going to go brush your teeth in the morning), regardless of how mundane, it seems it's a part of the whole "journey" all the way up to that point, and these goals give you more experiences and opportunities to which you can compare with. So why would you need all these things? Well, for me anyway, they give me a chance to really appreciate the small times of joy, even if it seems sometimes that I don't. I try to suck it all in now, as they call it, so that I'll at least try to remember that, "Hey, this was a good time," and move on to the next unknown moment.

So far I've noticed that, regardless of how many detours you take in life, how many signs come up showing how much time or distance you've got left or if you're goin down the right path, or how many traffic jams you'll be in, or how many times you've got to park at the rest station to take a break. Regardless of the rainy weather, hunger, restlessness, fights with the people in the car...it seems that that particular road trip will always lead you down the road to where you gotta be, even if it doesn't seem like it at the time. All those so-called mistakes that were made, all of those great times spent laughing, those seemed to be the points that make you who you are and aspire to be. Not the road, but what was going on inside the car that really counted...

I remember reading somewhere that reminiscing was a sign of not being able to look at the current fun in life (or the lacking of fun in the present). That's all good, and it seems like a valid point. But for me anyway, I reminisce not because I'm bored with my life now, or because I wished it was better - but only because I try not to forget, and remind others to try not to take for granted those times that were great and even those that seemed bad. Those times in the past are the only things in life that other people can't mess up, or touch-up, and that's what is so great about them. haha

Sometimes I do regret the decisions I've made or the people I've met that I'll never seem to talk to again. But, it doesn't really matter right now...cause I know that I met that person, and I will always remember that that person or decision came upon me and me alone, which makes that moment of decision or acquaintance a moment that changed my outlook on life forever (and there's hopefully). And, I know that my future is guided upon my experiences just as much as luck or fate are big parts of it. And I definitely will not turn my back now, on things that seem to be feaseable and those that seem impossible. The sky is definitely the limit, and if it doesn't work out now, I know it will later on in a different way as long as I keep pushing to some goal.

To the peep who's out there and sorta lost...no worries, we're all there with you. Even me, and you're not forgotten and I'll definitely not forget about you now and give up.

So what about the future you may be asking? Well, I won't know and neither will all of you. You could die tomorrow, or win the lottery and become a rich snob. haha It's all about luck...or "fate". So these peeps who I know, or those that stumble upon this entry and read it, remember that you spent the time even reading this blog either by intention or accident. And hopefully you'll come by and check up, with me and your own past, just to get a little happy with the now. Enjoy the road trip, and I hope you stay in the car...even if it's in mine (get in my car!! jk).

Rick James

PS

Thanks Jay for the plug...haha...you the man! Please people, if you're in downtown Toronto, go visit the Mirvish Bookstore and check out my painting! I'm very happy about it...it's on till the 22nd of May, and you can check out the store's website at http://www.dmbooks.com. That's all for now...peacee.

DFA 1979

Hellooo people who read my blog. haha...how you been? Me? Doing okay...actually, I've just been away for a bit, trying to get this sem wrapped up tight in a nice little package. (cue Bloc Party, "Tulips") Yess...I've been definitely into the rock/pop lately coming out of Britain and Ontario...haha. Thanks Colin for the heads up. I still like the hip hop though, but lately, nothing attractive has caught my attention unfortunately. :S So if you hear anything new, please tell me...haha. Other than that Lyrics Born album...nicee..and the new Common coming out...so watch out for them.

So what have I been up to, these few days of freedom prior to my last (hopefully) exam at York University? Just straight chillin! Yeahhh yeahh...haha. But, I've been thinking of a lot of things, where I go from here, where I'll end up. But all I know is that I need a personal website to host my artwork, so wait up people for that, I'll blog about that soon when something materializes.

This stuff's got me scared, but I guess everything that entails not knowing something is always gonna be scary...haha, like if you can't remember if you brought extra shorts/undies when going swimming (I can't swim, I "pretend" haha). So people, work harddd...I'll try to as well. I'll try not to look back too much, and let the past eat my dust.

I don't even know what the hell this blog is about. I think I just wanted to chat a little more...more so then I did at Timmy's today. Maybe plug Kamakacci? haha Please hit us up soon, as new lines should be coming out, with a new website planned. I've only done the new logo and helping out where I can, but I really do want something big to happen with Kama, so please give it some love.

And I'm getting hella old. haha...Happy birthday to Mark as well (who's bday actually just passed, on the 14th). I know I said Happy bday bro....but it's to let everyone else know that we're both old. haha..actually, I'm turning 23 in a couple days. Maybe that's what's got me spooked? And it's also Leonardo Da Vinci's bday too...HOLLA

Okay peeps, that's all I've got to say now...continue with your lives and I hope I've given you even a little bit of a push to make things out there better. Cause we all need a little more smiles. Even if you wanna beat someone up. Smile haha

no, not "5 Fingers of Death"

Oh...I forgot as well. haha..."Fingers of Death 2" (the rest of the title will be kept secret, as the mini-movie has not been seen yet) is coming out soon. So watch out for it. Lots of effort has been put into it to make it as cheesy as possible, so I want to thank all that helped in the making of the movie (including the great cast...I hope you guys like it, cause I do). lol Peace.

Rick James

Just A Forewarning of Possible Sappiness...

Or just sadness, but don't be alarmed or try to make yourself feel "down" as I will explain further down...

(cue Damien Rice, "Lonelily")

Well, I decided to post again after a while, just to complete my reading week. This past week has went by like the blink of an eye, and before I knew it...it was done! Holeee geezz, where does time go? Anyways, lately I've been trying desperately to make some music (any music for that matter, as the sequel to "Fingers of Death" is currently being filmed....so please be patient for that!). I'm not much of a song writer, nor am I even close to the art of Music and Music-making...haha. But I try, or at least try to express myself in other ways...

This actual poem/song-lyrics-type-thingy came up when I was listening to some sad stuff from John Mayer (particularly, "Something's Missing"). Not that I believe that "something is missing", but I do think that I'm stuck in this weird position in life where I'm not 100%. YES, I do this sometimes write crap in my sketchbooks...mwahaha...after I've drawn something. So here's that little piece of crazy:

Ode to those who look, but cannot find,
stuck in that same state of mind.
Attempting to become much more than they are,
but can't, cause they're of a rare kind.

Lost in the drawers of space,
and tangled in the wreck of time.
I can't remember when I left and
when I'll meet my kind,
when I'll meet a rare kind.

Thought I found, but only seemed to grasp,
that which was a recurring past
similar to the lost's,
the have nots'.
Will I ever be more than me?

Ever-changing, but never really.
That's where I stand,
continually,
Ever-standing, never moving.
How I long for
Common ground
Common ground

That was sad and confusing. Sounded like one of those old songs by Our Lady Peace (before they started making sense...haha). Anyways, hopefully I'll have lyrics or poems for some other songs, which I hope are more upbeat. AND I suck at the guitar...so I'll try to improve that.

For now, go listen to The Tragically Hip's, "Bob Cajun". And Colin, if you're reading...haha...sorry, but this song has that nice, upbeat, Canadian-country feel. I feel like ripping my shirt off and running through corn fields and shiet like that when this song comes on. haha

PS
Pangaea was niceeee and if you're reading this Jenn, again, I had a great time.

Rick James

A Wise Man Once Wrote...

And he definitely still is. Go visit http://www.gotmilkfart.blogspot.com and you'll see what I mean. For back in 2003, this great guy (yes girls, he's single...he's DA MAN!!) made a post specifically for me and my situation at the time. Although it is now only a blur in my memory, it still has residual strength that will continue for many years to come. Thanks Jay. That year was definitely one of the best.

So people, click here http://gotmilkfart.blogspot.com/2003/10/at-that-age.html and listen to Brand New Heavies, "Stay This Way" (The Heavy Mix). Really smooth combination. hahaha

I'll speak more of this soon...so stay tuned.

Rick James